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The Arrogant Mommy Wars
I try to stay away from the stay at home mom vs. work outside of home mom debate for two reasons.
1) I don’t have kids
2) When I do have kids I’ll do what I feel is best for my family, I don’t need some outside source making me feel less than for whatever decision I make.
However this post by Jessica Valenti sparked something in me. She’s discussing a study that came out that says that working mothers are happier than mothers who stay at home with their children.
“It’s not exactly surprising that women who have paid jobs are happier than their unpaid stay-at-home counterparts. But this is the kind of study that just pisses conservatives and anti-feminists off to no end; they’d rather believe that women are pleased as punch to pick up socks and change diapers at home all day. You know, because it comes natural to us.”
Perhaps I read this too quickly but for some reason it bothered me. In an offhand way it insults women who happily make the choice to stay at home. It’s as if women who put family first are lonely women who do nothing but sit at home and clean up feces.
But that post is light compared to another one I read a few months ago.
“Motherhood is not a great accomplishment and it never has been. Animals have perfected the art of procreation, for God’s sake. Why should we become egotistical about something an insect can do?” [Source]
When I read this post I actually agreed with it, until I remembered that I believe in choices. If a woman wants to make her children her life, who am I to complain? What makes me so righteous to say that she is wrong and bringing down the status of all women? Perhaps that’s the Christian in me…or is it the feminist?
However, I’m not completely innocent because I can understand the attitude. When I was eight my mom became a stay at home mom and I never respected her job. “Why would you go to college to just stay at home?” I told her at the tender age of 14. “That’s stupid” I said, having no idea how hurtful those words were. I made a habit of telling her how it was dumb to stay at home and how I’d never do that.
If only I realized how much work she actually did.
For the record, I don’t believe that women should give up all sources of income and solely rely on their partner because there are many ways to stay at home and make a living, but it’s not my place to say that women who chose to do so are a waste of potential.
Some women want to stay at home with their kids. Some women don’t. Why is this making national headlines and sparking nasty debates? As long as women (and men) have the choice to work or stay at home, then what’s the big deal?
Maybe this is just another reason for people to let their arrogance show. I say let’s get over it and move on to something important, like why are 11 year olds being offered birth control pills?
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I stayed home with my son for 18 months and it wasn’t boring or tedious. It was fascinating, frustrating, enlightening, educational and downright fabulous. If I could still be home with him I would.
I thought feminism was about making choices for ourselves? I refuse to be called a ‘lesser feminist’ simply because I enjoy being the best mother I can be.