I remember the day my parents took me to an informational meeting. I walked into the building with all these smiling, happy, girls dressed in uniforms.
The halls smelled of cookies, punch, and chlorine; and I wondered how the chlorine got thrown into the mix.
“Yes, we have a pool and sometimes boys teams from other schools come here to practice” I overheard one perky girl say.
Is that supposed to entice me?, I thought.
Then we got down to the nitty gritty. We were handed promos and literature that boasted of how going to an all girls school raised self esteem. Speakers talked about how girls would feel empowered to be leaders, they’d feel as if it’s ok to be smart, and then go off into the world and make a difference.
I rolled my eyes and begged my parents not to send me there. “I’m not going to have fun and I’m going to be a loser”, I said. Then I started crying.
The tears didn’t win that battle for me, and now years later I am so glad.
I’m not saying I appreciated the experience of going to an all-girls school while I was there, because I didn’t. Even in college the only benefit I saw was that I understood concepts that other people didn’t; and I was annoyed that we had to take time and play catch up for the students who didn’t have a well-rounded high school curriculum.
*Sigh* “I’m glad I went to a good high school” I thought, but as for the all-girls part, I could take or leave it.
Then I began to look at myself and compare to other girls my age. Why was everyone so excited about chasing around athletes, did we go to college to become groupies?
Why was everyone content with images that were objectfying and degrading? Why was I the only one who would walk into someones dorm room and say “you should be ashamed of yourself for these magazines and posters you have displayed! What the heck is wrong with you!”
Then in classes when students, and even professors would say something that I found offensive I’d be the first one to say “Wait a minute, what are you talking about!” and I’d have no problem battling it out.
Needless to say, people often shook their heads and laughed at me. The odd thing is that I’m not a very outspoken person; in fact by nature I’m rather reserved yet at times you’d never know it.
I began to think about my life and wonder where did I get these ideas from.
Why did I know what objectification was when others had no idea? Oh yes, in high school we had to take a Women in the Media class and we watched Killing Us Softly.
Why was I so disgusted with the groupie syndrome? Oh yes, where I came from women weren’t groupies, they were strong and classy leaders.
Why did I prefer to stay in my dorm room,order pizza, and work on a small business instead of going out, getting drunk, and partying? Oh yes, because in high school we took a relationships class and learned a great deal about date rape. Besides, I was preparing to be a woman who made a difference.
Why is it that to this day, if you call me sweetie, hon, or darling I’ll correct you in a second and remind you of what my name is? Why do I feel that anyone can accomplish anything if they put their mind to it- regardless of gender? Why do I prefer to be valued for my brain instead of my looks? Why am I quiet about everything, yet so darn outspoken when it comes to women’s issues?
Because… one day my parents took me to an informational meeting.
Disclaimer: The use of the term “everyone” is not to be taken literally. It’s simply a term used to express “a large amount of people”
For example, you know how your teenager says “but everyone is….” and then asks you for something that clearly not everyone is allowed to do.
That’s what I meant by my use of “everyone.” Also, (now I am using the term literally) everyone who went to school with me did not have the same experience that I did. This is my personal experience.
18 responses so far ↓
1 (army)wife // Mar 20, 2008 at 8:22 am
This post is a bit insulting to, well, basically everyone but you. You say “everyone” was drunk guy-chasing, party animals/groupies who are clueless about rape, have no idea how to be in a leadership position and/or make a difference in this world.
I may not have gone to an all girl school and neither has “everyone” else, and there are many, many women out there that are everything that you consider worthy.
I realize that you are trying to make the point that an all-girls school has many benefits, however, I would be not be offended with this post (and would probably have considered it useful) if you had not used the word “everyone” and insinuated that us public school folks were uneducated boy-chasing partiers that offer nothing to society.
2 DJ Nelson // Mar 20, 2008 at 8:45 am
Let me add a disclaimer to this post. You’ll
see it after I finish this comment.
Also this was by no means to say that everyone who goes to an all-girls school will have the same experience that I did.
Certain things resonated with me and I didn’t realize it until very recently when I went back to reflect on it.
Other people who had the same classes, heard the same things, had the same friends as I did took the experience and it went in one ear and out the other.
Others who didn’t have the same experiences that I did still ended up at the same place I did.
This post was nearly a reflection of my experience of going to what is known as a “party school” after graduating from a private
school.
And if you would have asked me two weeks
ago was going to an all-girls school different than the school I went to before, I would have said no.
It was only until I started thinking about how I sometimes didn’t fit in that this post came to life.
3 Justine // Mar 20, 2008 at 10:54 am
Read her bio, she went to Michigan State. No offense but do you really think that students there know what the heck objectification is?
There are some smart people there but everyone knows that University of Michigan is far superior. So I believe everything she wrote.
Sorry to bring it up but Dj you wrote party school in your comments so I had to comment on that.
4 Carolanne // Mar 20, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Armymom either you have some issues about yourself or you are really nit picky because she only used everyone when she talked about groupies and objectification.
As for the drinking and partying she didn’t say everyone did it. Not that she should have used the term for the first two, but come on…semantics.
In fact she didn’t even say anything was wrong with these actions; she asked why didn’t SHE do it.
“I began to think about my life and wonder where did I get these ideas from.”
Reveals a lot. From this I get that this is a girl who felt left out and out of place. This was about her experience, not about yours or everyone elses,and I didn’t need a little disclaimer to tell me that.
5 THEREAL // Mar 20, 2008 at 2:43 pm
DJ remember when you used the word trained and everyone got their panties in a bunch? Then you went back and explained what you meant by trained?
Then people got on you for your explanation because they felt like you were implying they were dumb. See, it’s a fine line.
Keep that in mind when you write, because truth or not, when you write about heavy topics people are going to criticize and drill down on everything you say.
I don’t think you needed a disclaimer because I don’t see any insinuations, but some people need that.
Other than that I liked the post. I went to public
school and private school and yes there are differences.
I get why you said you were annoyed about having to wait for other people to catch up because I felt the same way.
6 (army)wife // Mar 20, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Carolanna~ I do not have issues about myself, and I think you’re rude for trying to take a shot at me because of how I read this post. However, I apologize to you for not seeing things the way you do.
So, yeah, I guess you could say I’m nit-picky. However, as a journalism and english majors, I tend to read things how they are literally written. So words such as “everyone” and “always” (such as, “You always do such-and-such”), when those phrases can’t be backed up, bother me.
And if you read my entire first comment, you would notice that I said the post was useful except for the word “everyone.”
7 DJ Nelson // Mar 20, 2008 at 3:39 pm
@Justine- I never was one to get into that MSU vs. U of M debate. It’s just not my cup of tea.
@Carolanne you are right, this was about me and not everyone else. If I wanted to make it a public school vs. private school issue
I would have said it directly, but like the MSU vs. U of M thing, I don’t get into that kind of debate either.
This post wasn’t about what kind of school you went to, it was about me FINALLY appreciating the experience I had.
@Thereal Yes, I remember those posts and I’ll consider that in future posts. But sometimes I just want to write, without having to over-explain things because that takes away from it.
Can you imagine if I had a disclaimer after every thing I wrote that could possibly be controversial? I’d never get to the point because “disclaimer: blah blah” would be popping up after every paragraph.
However I always try to be fair in the things I write, but when it comes down to it either you get it, or you don’t. Either way I welcome the discussion.
8 Leatrice // Mar 21, 2008 at 10:40 am
Loved the post! I totally feel you. My all girls school experience goes down in history as one of the best things my parents made me do.
Peace,
Leatrice
9 Carolanne // Mar 21, 2008 at 11:23 am
Armywife I wasn’t trying to be rude but I thought your response was rude. You could have said what you felt without saying that the post wasn’t useful.
Also it is hard for me to believe that you tend to read things literally especially since you added your educational background into this discussion.
Do you read metaphors literally as written? What about euphemisms? Don’t ever read Song of Solomon or you’ll be really confused.
10 (army)wife // Mar 21, 2008 at 11:45 am
Ok, I’m done with this conversation because apparently I can’t express my opinion without it being insinuted that I have some sort of personal problem with myself and/or may be to stupid to understand Bible stories. Or am I taking those comments too literally, Carolanne?
As previously stated, I understood the purpose of this post, however, when writing to a group I feel words like “everyone” and “always” need to be used carefully. As a blog writer myself I use those words sparingly. As a writer, I’ve had people attack my opinions, which is fine, but attacking me personally is not okay. I never attacked DJ personally, just the use of a word. However, I will take my bunched up panties and move on. I’m a fan of a good comment section debate, but I don’t think its appropriate to get personal, so I’m backing out.
11 Jess // Mar 21, 2008 at 11:51 am
There is no need for anyone to be rude. We can say our opinions without throwing out jabs. Let’s act like adults.
And as for the use of the word “everyone”, I think it’s justified considering the type of essay this is. When you are young and surrounded by peers who are different than you are it can seem as if EVERYONE is one way; while you are the opposite.
It may not be reality, but that’s how it seemed to her; and after all, perception is reality.
She’s a good writer, and I believe the use of “everyone” was completely justified because she’s not speaking as herself now, she’s speaking as that young girl who was surrounded by people who don’t get where she’s coming from. So in this story, “everyone” was as she said.
At least that’s what this English major got from it.
12 DJ Nelson // Mar 21, 2008 at 2:53 pm
@Leatrice Thank you. I’m glad you could relate.
@ArmyWife I don’t like to censor people (unless it’s off the wall and irrelevant)but I also don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable. I don’t think she meant to attack you, I just think
it could have been worded differently.
@Jess Wow…I didn’t think about it directly
like that but you are right, I was telling
the story from the perspective of how I felt
back then.
13 DJ's Mom // Apr 10, 2008 at 10:21 am
Well you all know “The Mom” is usually the last to know how their kids really feel. I will admit DJ was extremely conservative in college. Her MSU experience was totally different than my MSU experience. DJ has always been unwilling to go along , to get along. I never felt totally comfortable with the High School choice we made for her. This post validates that decision. I am truly proud of the young woman she has become. I look forward to her journey, as she continues to grow thru self discovery, introspection and basic life.
14 Tracee Sioux // Apr 10, 2008 at 10:43 am
Are you blushing now DJ?
15 Tee // Apr 20, 2008 at 2:49 am
That’s interesting…I met someone who went to an all-boy’s school and (good or bad) he stood out as “different” from “everyone” else, too. So there is something to be said about that experience. If nothing else, I think it allows a teenager to really focus on figuring out what they believe is most important in life. If I ever have children I think I will consider it. Thanks for sharing!
16 DJ Nelson // Apr 22, 2008 at 11:37 am
I’m just curious, in what ways did he stand out?
17 Tee // Apr 24, 2008 at 11:21 pm
Well it’s not that his personality mirrored yours or anything like that. What I meant (without going into details) was that his experience also set him apart, but in a different way from you. Anyhoo, he also enjoyed his experience and I can see the benefits of that type of structure.
18 Jack // May 9, 2008 at 2:52 am
Most of the girl’s school understand clearly the needs of female students. This helps these schools to develop the moral values and confidence in girls. I liked this article very much.
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