I was listening to shock jock Wendy Williams review a Life & Style segment on super-thin celebrities. I had to roll my eyes as you can’t win either way. You are either fat, lazy, and eating too much; or you are too skinny, crazy, and smoking crack.
As I listened to the comments that were being made, I began to think of something that happened to me about four years ago.
I was at my family reunion and very excited to see my cousins. No sooner did I have a chance to say hello did someone say, “DANG, what happened to you! You used to be so skinny. Wow you gained a lot of weight.”
As I type this, I can’t help but laugh, however at the time it wasn’t funny at all. I had put on about 25 lbs or so, and I was very well aware of it, but I was so shocked that someone would publicly make a comment like that.
As the reunion progressed I made it a point to be particularly nasty to this person. My grandmother heard me say something snotty and asked why was I so upset.
I told her what happened, and added quite loudly that I knew what I looked like so I didn’t need anyone to remind me.
What she told me has stuck with me ever since.
She said, “People will always have something to say about you. Either you will be too fat, or you’ll lose weight and you are too thin. Nothing is going to stop people from talking about you, so you really shouldn’t get so upset.”
“But that was so rude of him to say that,” I chimed in.
“If you get mad every time someone says something about you, you are going to spend a lot of time being mad. People talk about me all the time, I don’t get mad. You just have to take it with a grain of salt.”
I still stand by my belief that the comment was completely rude and utterly unnecessary, but I learned a lesson; you can’t let people (or society) control how you feel about yourself.
It doesn’t matter what you look like, it doesn’t matter how often you tan, it doesn’t matter what you wear, it doesn’t matter how much surgery you have…people will be nasty if they see fit. But you have to have the confidence to say, “I’m happy with myself, I like who I am.”
If you don’t, you will forever be chasing something that is unattainable.
How often do you hear a woman say- “I am so pleased at where I am right now. I love how I look, I love who I am”.
Rarely, because it’s drowned out by “I’m so fat, I need a nose job, look at my thighs”.
Say something nice about yourself today. Who knows, it might be contagious.
7 responses so far ↓
1 Carolanne // Apr 9, 2008 at 10:13 pm
“Say something nice about yourself today. Who knows, it might be contagious.”
Ok, ok I’ll try it one day.
2 Dannie // Apr 11, 2008 at 1:51 pm
That reminds me of a time that I picked my mom up from the airport and her first words were, “You are fat.” Wow! Not any type of greeting, just letting me know how fat I was.
You know, no one wants to hear this stuff - least of all from their own mom. I know that I am a “curvy diva” and I am fine with that. Yes, I have hired a personal trainer to help get me back in shape, but that is also because I realize that I am unhealthy too and with two children, they are my priority.
So, in September I go home for a wedding, hopefully FAT won’t be a word I hear the entire time I am there.
3 Tracee Sioux // Apr 16, 2008 at 4:30 pm
If I could change one thing about women I would make them stop self-deprecating for humor because it’s costing us too much.
I like myself. I’m perfect the way I am. I’m beautiful.
Children feel about themselves the way we feel about ourselves.
4 DJ Nelson // Apr 17, 2008 at 9:08 am
Well Tracee you’ve just given me a first. That’s the first time I’m heard “I like myself. I’m perfect the way I am.”
Bravo! Let’s spread the word.
5 Tracee Sioux // Apr 17, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Now it’s your turn:
go ahead say it . . .
- no one will strike you dead or laugh at you. Well, the mean girls might, but we’ll get to them later.
Say it to yourself everyday and convince at least one more woman to try it and we’ve got a revolution!
6 Laurel // Apr 17, 2008 at 4:07 pm
Your grandmother was exactly right - we all need those words of wisdom for people. I’m sorry, but aging sux!! lol - Not only do you gain weight, but it’s such a pain to look in the mirror & not see that pirky 16 yr old body - lol - some never have it. And even when you do, you don’t really appreciate it - and it definitely isn’t going to make you happy - those were some of my roughest years. I’m hoping that the trade off of being less physically attractive, but possibly more spiritually so is the better of the two - I think it is
7 DJ Nelson // Apr 18, 2008 at 10:51 am
I like myself, I am beautiful.
Hey Laurel,you forgot to participate in our little exercise. Come on….join our revolution.
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