Submission.

I hate that word, and every time it’s used I roll my eyes and cringe. I’m working on dropping the eye roll, but it’s difficult for me.

You see quite frequently I’m asked, “so, you’re a Christian right, how do you deal with that submission thing?”

“Well, what do you mean?” I respond while preparing for what’s coming next.

“The Bible! It says you have to submit to your husband so do you do that?”

“What do you mean by submit?” I say, and that is where things get tricky.

There’s certain segments of Christianity that teach that men are of greater importance than women. Women are not to make any decisions without a man’s approval. Men are to be treated as kings while women are on the same level as children. And anyone who does not believe this is in violation of God’s plan for the world.

Obviously, I don’t believe that.

But it’s a tough discussion for someone like me because I don’t like theological debates nor do I entertain them. I find it brings out the arrogance in people and it’s simply counterproductive.

So how do I answer the question? Of course I have an opinion and I have reasons behind my opinions. But is a question like that really worthy of a response?

I guess it depends on the motives behind asking.

So here’s my answer once and for all.

Submission in this context does not mean “bow down and do whatever your husband says.” It means to have a great level of respect. As a single woman there are certain things you do and you wouldn’t think twice about it. But when you are married, a lot of decisions become joint decisions and it flows both ways. It’s not just women seeking approval from their husbands; men need to check in with their wives too.

If you don’t believe that just wait and see how you feel when your husband accepts a job in France and rents out your house before even mentioning the idea to you.

I have a brain and there’s no way that I’m obligated to turn it off just because I’ve made a marital commitment. However, if there are important decisions to be made that I would usually make on my own, yes I am going to submit by talking it over with my husband. And a lot of times his feelings are more important to me than my own so I’m naturally going to submit to his needs. But this works well because he feels the same way about me so it’s not a one way street.

You see we are working together. There is no dichotomy.

This has nothing to do with a power struggle. This has nothing to do with control. There is no follower and leader. Submission has to do with mutual love and respect. Submission has to do with coming together as a team.

“If you go back to verse 22 [referring to Ephesians 5:22-33] and look at the word submit. Guess what? It is the Greek word hupotassomi. Choose of your own free will, not because you are oppressed and culturally have no choice, but choose of your own free will to give in to your husband to respect him, to be responsive to his needs; but husbands have the far more weighty and difficult and extensive responsibility, in my opinion, to love a wife like Christ loved the church. That means to the end of giving your very life and to love his wife as his own body. Now, when your body screams out in hunger what do you do? You feed it. A husband is supposed to be that attentive to his wife. The great mistake that people make in understanding this section is to understand it in terms of authority. This is not a section on authority. It is a section about responsibility.” ₃

That’s all I have to say about that. Feel free to disagree, my opinions won’t change.

For more on the subject:

Web Articles:

Can You Be Christian and Feminist? (All Diva Media)

The Role of Women in the Church

Some Origins of the Belief that Women Are Inferior to Men

₃ Women: Man’s View or God’s View

Books:

Ten Lies the Church Tells Women: How the Bible Has Been Misused to Keep Women in Spiritual Bondage

What Paul Really Said About Women: The Apostle’s Liberating Views on Equality in Marriage, Leadership, and Love

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