By: DJ Nelson

When you hear the term, “stay at home wives”, what’s the first thing that comes to mind? Do you imagine the days of I Love Lucy, or do you think of something a bit more negative?

Let’s be clear on what we are talking about. We aren’t discussing telecommuter, work at home moms, or small business owners- we mean wives with no children who maintain the home front.

Everyone has their opinion on the issue. Let’s start with the most obvious one- these women are just lazy and living off of their husband.

In a blog, a frustrated man wrote:

Cleaning can be knocked out in hours with vacuum cleaners, robotic vacuums, and maid services. With microwaves, programmable ovens, the million other things the modern kitchen has … cooking is not an all day task. ..there are enough restaurants, carry outs, and delivery places to supplement even the most determined chef. There is simply no reason in 2008 that a childless wife needs to (or should want to) stay at home.

However not everyone feels that way. When asked for her opinions on stay at home wives, Kim Puri said, “There is a lot to home and hubby maintenance. If the couple can live on one income then having the wife home is wise.”

Desiree Wolfe responded, “Housewives have a rough job! Bless them for being able to do it without going crazy!”

Virtual Assistant Marta Costa said that she’s offended when people say stay at home wives are lazy. “I don’t think people should make generalized judgments.”

She also does not agree that stay at home wives are just a trophy for wealthy men. “I know of many instances of stay at home wives where the husband’s income is low. Some people think that it is the wife’s duty to stay at home and care for her husband and home.”

Todra Payne agrees. “I reject the whole trophy wife/status symbol mentality because women aren’t objects or simply extensions of our husbands. Some women choose to stay at home running a household rather than being out in the hustle and bustle of corporate America.”

She continued, “Where I live many wives stay at home or have small home based businesses. Most of my friends say things like, “You’re so lucky to be able to stay at home.” But it does bother me that some of them act like I’m a kept woman, lounging around all day watching television.”

But there’s always the issue of a woman giving up her independence and financial freedom. Is that the smart thing to do?

Costa said, “ I was a [stay at home mom] for a few years prior to starting my own business and there were times when finances were tight or when my husband and I disagreed that I really wished I had my own income to either contribute or to have a little independence. It’s at those times that I reminded myself that what I was doing at the time was more important and necessary than my own ‘financial independence’. There are times in relationships that call for compromise or sacrifice. In my case I sacrificed my own financial independence for the opportunity to raise my children and be there for them in a way that I would not have been able to if I were working.”

But not everyone shares those sentiments. Payne responded, “I struggle with these thoughts all of the time, which is probably part of the reason I have my business. If, Lord forbid, I should face a situation like divorce or the death of my spouse, I can ramp up what I’m already doing to take care of myself. I have good, marketable skills and I have worked outside of the home, so it wouldn’t traumatize me to do so again. So I guess I’d say I agree with those who say a woman shouldn’t risk her financial independence by staying at home.”

Are Stay at Home Wives Empowered?

Personally, I’m all about choices, not prescriptions.

If women want to stay at home that is fine, as long as it’s not prescribed that the only place a woman should be is at home; and vice versa for women in the workplace.

This notion of writing prescriptions for an entire gender is the reason why society is so divided on everything. People want choices and freedom, but only if those choices fall in line with their personal beliefs.

If I want to stay at home and cook, clean, sew, clip coupons, and write meal plans that does not make me any less empowered than a woman who chooses to go to work, hire a maid, and prepare quick meals. Likewise, if I choose to engage in a busy career that does not mean that I am less of a woman/wife/or mother than a woman who doesn’t.

So what are women asking for, if you are bold enough to phrase it as if each woman can speak for all women, how about respect and appreciation.

Respect our decisions, appreciate the work that we do (regardless of where it’s done), and get rid of the notion that women are second-class citizens. Some women are guilty of this as well.

Stop writing prescriptions for other people. Write your own, and go on about your life.

About The Author

DJ Nelson is a publisher, marketer, and women’s empowerment activist. Nelson is the founder of All Diva Media, an online community geared towards the life stages of women. Nelson also writes Positive Inspirations for Women and she hopes to reach as many women as possible.

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